He Knew: An Interlude
by SparkofRedemption
Summary: Kanan knew. How could he not? Hera didn't. She always doubted. (An interlude set in the future after Ezra is rescued by Sabine. Major spoilers if you haven't finished the series. Kanera centric, implied Sabezra.) First chapter re-posted due to formatting errors...thanks to those who pointed it out for me!
1. He Knew

AN: This was intended to be a oneshot, but I'm open to expanding it in either direction if anyone has interest in that or suggestions for where it should/could go. Don't own it. So much would be different if I did.

* * *

"I only wish..." she trailed off as her gaze shifted through her son and into the past, "He didn't even know."

A sorrowful silence descended upon them until Ezra broke it, "he knew." Hera's gaze snapped back to meet his eyes. "What?" she breathed. Ezra reached for her hands and pulled her gently down onto the bench next to where they stood. "He knew, Hera, I know he did."

Ezra closed his eyes, searching for the memory. "The night that he…when Kanan died, his only thoughts were for you. I could feel it. It was like he forgot about everything else. Nothing mattered to him in that moment except for you. I know he would've died for any of us, I mean, he almost _did_ die for me. But in that moment, he wasn't thinking about anyone else. You were the only person he reached for. He died for you. For your son."

Hera shook her head as tears filled her eyes, "he wasn't reaching for me, Ezra, he just wanted me to stop…"

"No," he interrupted, "not like that. I mean with the Force. He was reaching for you. I'd never seen him so fiercely protective of any of us before. There were times when any of us might have died, times when he almost died, but he was so…I don't know. Resolved? Determined? Something changed."

"Hera looked at him sadly, "I'd like to believe that." The silence descended again but was quickly interrupted by Jacen requesting a snack from his mother. She smiled at him fondly as she led him away towards the galley. Ezra watched them go, then suddenly stood and turned toward Sabine, "Sabine, where did you say you found the remnants of the Jedi Temple?" Sabine stepped out of the shadows and moved to his side. "They're right where we found them, only there's so little left," she answered, resting her hand on his.

"Take us there?" Ezra asked, motioning towards the cockpit. Sabine stood frozen for a moment before silently agreeing as she moved towards the cockpit. She paused in the doorway and turned back, "Ezra? It's been so hard for her without him. Please, just…be careful with her." Ezra nodded, resolute. "I know, Sabine. But I know I'm right, and I think she deserves to know it too."

* * *

They landed a short while later. Memories of Kanan, the Loth-wolves, the Emperor, the battle, all of it threatened to overflow his mind. He shook his head free of them. He found Hera still in the galley with Jacen.

"Hey, Jacen?" Ezra called, "Sabine told me she wants to liven up these old rocks. Wanna help her?" Jacen leapt from his chair with excitement. "Can I go?" he asked his mother. Hera looked to Sabine for confirmation of her plan. She'd heard Ezra's suggestion and seemed to understand. "Come on, Specter Seven. Let's go choose our colors. I'm thinking a little purple would do these rocks some good." "And orange!" Jacen added as they walked down the hall towards the cargo bay. "And orange," Sabine echoed."

Why are we here, Ezra?" Hera asked once Jacen was out of range. She'd recognized the ruins of the Temple as the approached. He took a deep breath and grabbed her hand. "There's something I think you need to find, and I think you'll find it here," he answered vaguely. Hera hesitated only a moment, her brows furrowing in confusion, before nodding, "lead the way."

They descended into a cavernous area of the ruins, Ezra guiding them through his connection to the Force within the Temple. A soft glow illuminated a segment of rocks in the distance, and Ezra urged Hera on towards it. Once they reached the source of the glow, Ezra saw that it was the fist. He suddenly doubted his decision to bring Hera here. He didn't know if he could get in, and if he did, if what he was hoping to find would even be there. Just as he'd almost changed his mind, a low growl filled the cavern. Turning back towards the entrance, he found a Loth-wolf standing guard, as if telling him he couldn't leave. He turned back to the glowing fist and raised his own to rest upon it. At first, nothing happened, then suddenly, he and Hera were falling through a pitch-black darkness. Kanan's voice surrounded him, then Sabine's, Ahsoka's, until they were finally flung onto a hard surface. He looked up to find the darkness intertwined with blazingly white pathways and an infinite number of doors. Hope filled his heart. "

"Hera," he knelt to help her up. "It's still here." Hera shook her head and blinked hard as she recovered from the abrupt change in her surroundings. "What is this place, Ezra?" she asked in disbelief. "It's…time," he decided. "It's the past, the present, the future. It's an infinite number of possibilities. Some never were, some never can be, some are in flux, and some can never change."

"Ezra," Hera breathed in disbelief, "are you telling me we can save Kanan?" Ezra winced, "no. I'm sorry Hera. I wanted to, and I almost did, but then I realized, if I saved Kanan, the rest of us would die. He knew what he was doing, and he made a choice. He wouldn't want me to change it, and I can't honor him if I don't respect it." Hera's face fell, but she nodded in understanding before her understanding became confusion, "so why did you bring me here?" Ezra drew in a breath and hoped he hadn't been wrong. He reached out for Kanan and asked for the reassurance he wanted to give Hera. The door next to them shifted, and Kanan appeared in his bunk.

It was night, and he lay underneath the blankets, seemingly asleep. As they watched, he awoke. He reached over to the empty bed next to him and frowned. "Hera…" he whispered as he closed his eyes. A moment passed in which it seemed he'd gone back to sleep, but then his eyes flew open. "Hera," he said to himself again as he sat up. He laughed. Exuberance flooded his face. Tears wet his eyes as he stood, running his hands through his hair with an air of disbelief. Still he laughed, but as more tears fell down his face, the laugh became strangled and broken, until he was sobbing tears of anguish. He fell onto his knees with his head in his hands. Hera's own face had contorted to match Kanan's. She reached for the door, but Ezra grabbed her wrist and gently pulled it away.

"We can't, Hera," he told her with regret."Please," she begged, "couldn't I go in? Just for a moment? You can bring me back, I won't stay. How could that change anything?" Ezra shook his head, "Hera, I'm sorry, but you don't know that."

Then a voice, familiar yet foreign, spoke in his mind, "let her in." Ezra whipped his head around expecting to see someone standing there behind him, but he and Hera were still the only people on the path. He was unsure what exactly prompted him, but he found himself releasing Hera's wrist and instead nudging her towards the door. "Go," he said. "Quickly, while there's time."

Hera didn't need to be told twice. She fell through the door towards Kanan, grabbing onto him the second he was within her reach. "Hera!" Kanan jerked away from her in surprise. "How did you…wait. You're…different. Who are you?"

"It's me, Kanan," Hera replied as she reached out to touch his face. "Ezra brought me here, but I can't stay." Hera stroked his cheek with amazement. "How can this be real? It's you. You're really here." Kanan stepped back into her arms as she asked, "When is this?" Kanan, as mysterious as ever when it came to the Force, seemed to accept this with relative ease. "You've just been captured. We're coming for you."

"I know, love. You always do," she answered with a sigh. She nestled into his arms, and they simply stood together for a moment. "Hera, I think I understand what happens," Kanan finally spoke. "That's why Ezra brought you here, isn't it?" Hera's shoulders shook with a sob. "Please Kanan, let's not talk about that. Why were you crying?"

Kanan hesitated as if unsure whether he should tell her. "I felt him," he finally answered. Hera looked up at him with hope, "who, Kanan? Who did you feel?" Kanan didn't answer. Instead, he gently ran his hand down her back and around her hip to rest low on her stomach. "Hera," Kanan started with obvious worry and reluctance, "did something happen?"

"What?" Hera asked, confused. Kanan furrowed his brow as his own confusion increased. "I thought…you're some future version of my Hera, aren't you?" "That's right," Hera answered.

"Hera," Kanan's voice cracked with uncertainty, "my Hera, she's pregnant. I felt her change. I felt him. That's why I was crying. I was...overjoyed. Then I afraid."

"Oh Kanan," Hera gasped as she leaned into to kiss him. It was everything she needed, the missing piece that made her feel whole again. "I thought you never knew." Hera seemed to realize her mistake the moment she spoke, but it was too late to take back her words. She froze, glancing up at Kanan with panic in her eyes. "I was afraid of that," he said calmly. "I don't want to leave you Hera. I thought maybe there would be another way, but now more than ever, I won't think twice about dying for you. For our son." He pulled her even more tightly into his arms. "I'll try to make sure you know that if I can."

Hera shook her head, "no, I don't know if I could handle knowing so soon after…" she cleared her throat, "it was weeks before I found out, and we did things, important things, that maybe I wouldn't have done if I'd known. I don't know. What I do know, is that I needed this, Kanan. I needed to know that you knew." Kanan nodded and caressed her stomach gently with the back of his hand.

"Is he…" he gestured vaguely, unsure of how to ask the question that terrified him. "He's beautiful," answered Hera. Kanan let out a sigh of relief. "I wish you could see him, Kanan. He's perfect."

"Of course, how could he not be with you as his mother?" he said, kissing her forehead. "Hera, I've never been so happy in my life as I am in this moment. I've never been so sad either. Make sure he knows how much I love him. And don't forget how much I love you." He leaned down to kiss her just as a clanging in the hallway alerted them to someone else's approach.

Hera felt a strong tug that pulled her away from Kanan, and despite how hard she tried to hang on, he slipped right through her fingers. She tumbled out of the door and collapsed on top of Ezra who was struggling to pull her back. "No! Please, Ezra, just another minute," she pleaded as she looked through the door to where Kanan stood, silently staring at the place Hera stood just a moment before. All the pain of losing him came rushing back as raw as the first night he died. The door to his room opened and young Ezra entered, "Kanan! I think we have a plan for how to rescue Hera. Come on." Kanan closed his eyes for only a moment before turning back into his reality and following young Ezra out of the room. As they left, the room faded away into a softly glowing emptiness.

Ezra wrapped his arms around the now sobbing Hera as they sat on the path, regretting what could have been yet grateful for what they were given. It seemed like hours passed before Hera finally calmed enough to turn to Ezra and say, "thank you for letting me have him just one last time." Ezra rubbed her back and leaned his head against hers. "I'd give him to you forever if I could. But what you do have forever is knowing that he knew. He knew, and he loved it. He loved the idea of being with you, of having a child with you. He loved you and Jacen. More than anything."

Hera nodded and with one last wistful glance at the door, she pulled out of Ezra's arms to stand. He followed her lead, and they left the past behind, keeping it alive in their hearts.


	2. AN: Sorry! (and update)

Sorry about the formatting problem, and thanks for the heads up about it!

By way of apology, I'm going to try to have another chapter posted by the end of the week. I have a few ideas for where I might want to go, but I'm open to suggestions. Thanks for being patient, and I hope you enjoy reading it (or re-reading it) now that it's fixed.


	3. She Didn't

AN: As promised, and done a lot quicker than expected. Forgive the inaccuracy of any medical tests/treatments in this chapter - I think you'll get the idea regardless.

* * *

The door closed behind her not a moment before the glass in her hand shattered against the opposite wall. She slid down to the floor in agony, wishing again that she could wake up somewhere else.

Her feet ached, her back, her shoulders, her heart. Everything that Kanan usually fixed for her, it was all broken. She'd never felt so tired or so alone. Her eyes landed on the bed they shared a lifetime ago. At least, that's how it felt. A lifetime had passed since the last time she was with him.

She climbed across the floor and into bed, collapsing on top of the covers, too tired to notice the chill in the air. Her arm fell across the empty half next to her. "Kanan," she whispered as her eyes close of their own volition.

She woke after a few hours of fitful sleep to the feeling of intense nausea. Her instinct was to sit up, but the moment she shifted upright, the room shifted the other way, and she stumbled awkwardly onto the floor. She lay down and took a few steadying breaths. This was her life now. Her life without Kanan. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't even stand up, without everything falling apart.

She pushed herself off of the floor with a huff, determined to stop feeling so sorry for herself, but the floor refused to let her leave, and she was too tired to fight it as black took over her consciousness.

* * *

"Hera!" Hera mumbled sleepily as she vaguely registered someone calling her name. "Hera!" A hand shook her shoulder while another gently touched her forehead. She blinked open her eyes to find Sabine kneeling next to her.

"Hera! You had me worried sick! Are you alright?" Sabine helped her up to a sitting position and steadied her as she tried to ground herself.

 _Am I alright?_ she wondered to herself. _What was I doing?_

"Did you faint?" Sabine interrupted her thoughts. "You've hardly eaten anything since...well, I haven't seen you eat anything since..." Hera gently pushed away Sabine's supportive hand.

"I'm fine, Sabine. Just tired." Sabine didn't look reassured, but Hera didn't care. Not today. Sabine continued to look at her with that appraising stare, and Hera withered with discomfort.

"Sabine, really, I'm fine," Hera said as she willed herself to stand. She swayed slightly, but the intense dizziness from before had passed. She moved to pass Sabine and leave the cabin, but she hesitated when she saw Sabine's worried expression.

"Thank you for coming to check on me. It's just been a long few days, that's all." Hera cupped her hand affectionately around Sabine's cheek before turning into the hall. Sabine followed silently.

When they arrived in the galley a few moments later, they found Ezra and Zeb sitting at the table, staring aimlessly into their cups. Ezra looked up, startled when they entered, but Zeb gave no indication that he'd noticed them.

"Hera," Ezra stood and approached her. "We were worried. You've been asleep for ages." Zeb noticed her now and also approached with that same look of apprehension Sabine had worn.

"Why don't you let us take a look at you? Just to make sure you're alright?"

Hera fought the irritation bubbling up inside her. She knew their nagging, no, their _concern_ was because they loved her. She took a deep breath and let the irritation pass before meeting Zeb's gaze.

"You're all so wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without you. But I promise, I'm alright. I just need some time." Whether that would be the end of it, Hera didn't know, but they all seemed to accept it for now.

"Is there any more kaffe?" she asked as she grabbed a cup. Someone answered in the affirmative, but she'd already started pouring herself a cup. She enjoyed the soothing sensation of the hot liquid as it warmed the cup in her hands, but as she raised it to her lips, the sensation faded in favor of the now familiar nausea.

She sighed as she slammed the cup down and attempted to clear the nausea with a cleansing breath. She knew if she turned around they'd all be staring at her with that look again. Instead, she turned straight toward the door and began walking toward the cockpit without sparing a glance for anyone.

* * *

Once alone, she sank into the captain's chair with exhaustion.

"Kanan," she spoke sadly, knowing that he couldn't answer but still desperately hoping he somehow would anyway. It was so difficult to believe he was gone. If she stopped thinking about it, she could almost fall into a rhythm where he was just off on a mission and she was busy here on the _Ghost,_ and they'd be together again any day. But as soon as she realized she'd stopped thinking about it, she remembered. He wasn't on a mission, and they wouldn't be together ever again.

The nausea overwhelmed her again, and this time, she couldn't fight it. She scrambled for the waste bin in the corner and barely managed to avoid vomiting on the floor. The tears began.

"How could you just leave me?" she demanded of him. She sat pathetically on the floor like some kind of shell of who she was days before. She heard the door open and turned in a panic, afraid to share her moment of vulnerability with anyone, but Chopper was the only one that came in.

"It's alright, Chop," she answered his beeping. He fired back. So did she. "I keep telling everyone I'm alright because I am. You think Kanan's the first person..." her angry reply was cut off when she once again couldn't resist the urge to empty her stomach.

Chopper reached out his tiny mechanical hand and took hers with a chorus of beeps.

"Fine," Hera answered with a reluctant sigh. "But I'm not asking for help. I can find my way around the med bay on my own."

Chopper seem satisfied enough with that statement and left her in silence once again.

* * *

True to her word, she made her way to the med bay. After locking the doors, she carefully removed her clothing, wincing as the cloth brushed across the bruises on her chest, and she took in the extent of the damage that had been done for the first time. The torture, their escape, Ezra's mission...the evidence of the last few days spoke volumes across her flesh.

She applied antiseptic to a few spots and wrapped a few bandages, but much of the damage was bruising that simply needed time to heal on its own. Last, she grabbed a hypo to draw a small sample of blood. Missing Kanan was excruciating both emotionally and physically, but she hoped the nausea and dizziness she'd been feeling was down to malnourishment. At least malnourishment she could fix.

She inserted the slide into the diagnostic and lay back on the small cot to wait for the results. She had almost fallen asleep when a soft beeping alerted her that the diagnostic was finished. Rubbing the exhaustion away from her eyes, she sat up to read the results.

She skimmed through the results output for the relevant analysis and suggested treatments. "Sodium's off," she muttered to herself. "Of course it is, it's not like they were concerned about my hydration. Iron's low. That's easy enough to fix. Elevated HCG...hmm...where have I heard that before?" She scrolled to the bottom of the results and promptly dropped the diagnostic unit.

 _Pregnancy_. Elevated HCG was associated with _pregnancy_.

Emotions slammed into her from all sides. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. It wasn't possible. Or was it? Well, of course it was _possible_ , but...

She scrambled for another hypo and re-programmed the diagnostic. It was a fluke. Probably just the stress. Stress could probably do that, right? It took her a moment to insert the new slide with shaking hands, but she managed. While she waited, she searched the database for alternate explanations for the result. Reference after reference told her that elevated HCG combined with her nausea, exhaustion and dizziness really only meant one thing. Come to think of it, her breasts had felt awfully sensitive while getting dressed and undressed lately, but she'd assumed it was residual discomfort from her restraints. And when was her last cycle? She couldn't remember.

The diagnostic beeped again, and again, the results read the same thing. Panic rose in her chest. She searched the diagnostic database for a pregnancy specific test and ran it again.

 _Pregnant...6 weeks...male..._ Her brain couldn't process anything else beyond that. Tears came unbidden to her eyes as she began to hyperventilate.

She couldn't tell if she was happy, afraid, exhilarated, angry or some other unnamed emotion that somehow encompassed them all.

It explained everything. Well, not everything. Kanan was still... _Kanan_. With that thought, she sank into despair. Kanan would never know. She could never tell him. Her son would never know his father. Her _son_. _Their_ son. She covered her face with a nearby pillow, afraid that her cries would bring someone running.

She didn't know how long she cried, but when she stopped, it was only because she couldn't physically do it anymore. Her hand found its way to rest on her stomach, and all at once, determination overtook her despair. This was their child. Hers and Kanan's. It had somehow survived Pryce, and she couldn't let something as simple as dehydration take him from her now.

She rummaged through the cabinets for an electrolyte solution and iron pills, washing down the first dose of pills with the solution.

* * *

Later as she lay in bed, she stroked gentle patterns on her abdomen. "Your father would have loved you so much, little one. He gave his _life_ for you, even if he didn't know." She thought about Kanan, about how fiercely he held her gaze in those final moments when they realized what was going to happen.

"He would've protected you. He wanted you." She remembered the fight they had about what they would do after the rebellion. She couldn't think that far ahead, and he couldn't wait to get there. He'd never outright said he wanted children, but she could tell. She knew.

"I'll protect you now."

A sharp knock at the door caused her to briefly freeze before hastily pulling down her shirt. She would tell them, just not yet. She opened the door and found Sabine at the other side.

"Sorry if you were asleep," Sabine said with an apologetic glance towards the ruffled blankets. "I just wanted to tell you that there's food. Zeb made it, but it's surprisingly edible." Hera gave her an indulgent smile as Zeb grumbled a defense of his culinary skills from up the hall.

Her first instinct was to decline and go back to bed, but in a rush, her promise came back to her. _I'll protect you now_.

She stepped out into the hall next to Sabine who had the sense to hide her surprised look as quickly as it had come.

"After you."


End file.
